Are You Really LISTENING?

Have you been in a conversation recently where you were physically there, BUT YOU REALLY WEREN'T THERE? You know what I mean. Your body was there, but your mind was somewhere else -- thinking about what you had to do next, thinking what a waste of time the conversation was, thinking who knows what... In other words, YOU WEREN'T REALLY LISTENING!

In my recent work with clients, and my own personal experience, I've once again come to realize the importance of listening, in an even more powerful way. In fact, I now believe that INEFFECTIVE LISTENING is at the root of almost all breakdowns in relationships - work, personal or otherwise.

I challenge you this week to take a closer look at how you listen. Look for the following ways of ineffective listening:

• Not being PRESENT in the conversation - as I mentioned above, physically being there but off somewhere else in your mind. This is often why we don't remember someone else's name 3 seconds after we've met them.
• Listening to respond - this happens when you are formulating what you are going to say back in your head before the person has even finished speaking.
• Listening to BE RIGHT - this is closely related to the previous one, but happens when you disagree with the person, or don't see things the same way, and you stop listening to what they're saying. Your main focus is only to GET YOUR POINT ACROSS. Usually they've stopped listening at this point as well.
• Interrupting the speaker - also closely related to listening to respond. Rule number one in effective listening is CLOSE YOUR MOUTH.

One of our basic needs in relationship is to be "listened to" and to be understood by other people, along with being accepted. If you want to be more effective in your relationships, practice a new way of listening over the next week:

LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND THE OTHER PERSON'S CONCERNS!

People generally speak to express some concern, so what if you started listening to better understand their concern(s)? You'd be amazed at what you listen and amazed at how different the conversation is. You might even change your whole relationship! Put your concerns aside for a moment and see if you can truly understand theirs.

What have you got to lose? Give it a try.

 

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