Tis the Season for Peace on Earth...
Question is, are you peaceful? My experience lately, and in past holiday seasons, is that many of us are not. How come?
I was teaching a workshop last week, talking about moods, and I asked my audience "How many of you could use some more PEACE in your life?" A majority of the hands went up in the room. That's the reaction I get every time I ask that question. So, what are we missing here? I say we're missing the distinction of how to create a MOOD OF PEACE in our lives. If we don't know how to create it, odds are we'll never have it, unless we happen to stumble upon it!
Let's talk about the mood of PEACE, and in many ways its opposite mood RESENTMENT, and how we can get from resentment to peace if we find ourselves there.
The fertile ground for RESENTMENT to take hold is when we live in OPPOSITION to the FACTS of our lives. We often experience resentment when we feel we've been wronged in some way (didn't get the promised raise or promotion, spouse divorced you, the way your parents treated you), but it can also show up when we refuse to accept other facts of our lives (the job we have, the salary we make, the spouse we have). The reason resentment takes hold is we refuse to accept the facts of our life, often past events that have occurred that we didn't like or weren't acceptable to us, and we live in stories of "It shouldn't be this way", "They never should have done that", "It was wrong" and so on. All of those reasons keep us trapped in the corrosive moodspace of resentment and have us suffer.
The mood of PEACE is available only when we live in full ACCEPTANCE of the FACTS of our lives! In other words, in this moment I accept all that has happened in the past, I accept that I can not change it (it doesn't mean you like it or condone it), and I accept all that is so at this moment in my life. We all know intellectually that we can't change the events of our past, but we still often live in stories about how it should be different. You can't change the events that have happened in your past, but you can change your interpretations of them!
There are three key ways we can SHIFT from RESENTMENT to PEACE:
- Just accept it. You know what, it really doesn't matter to me so I'll accept it and move on.
- Make an EFFECTIVE REQUEST for it to change. If someone is doing something that continually makes you resentful, then ask them to change it. They can't read your mind.
- FORGIVENESS! This may be the most powerful one. When we feel we've been wronged, what's required for us to be peaceful is to forgive someone.
Let's talk about FORGIVENESS, as this is the one most people struggle with doing. I've taught many workshops the past 6 - 1/2 years, and I hear two primary stories for why people are unwilling to forgive: "They don't deserve to be forgiven" and "If I forgive them, I condone what they did". What they don't see is that their unwillingness to forgive is keeping them trapped in resentment and is eating them up, not the person they won't forgive. The irony of it all is we think we're punishing the other person when we don't forgive them, when in fact we are punishing ourselves. The other person is often sleeping just fine and not suffering at all.
Forgiveness is for the forgiver, not the forgiven. When you forgive, you release yourself from suffering!
The first line of the Serenity Prayer is often a wonderful reminder of the power of forgiveness and the path to peace in our lives. It goes "God, grant me the SERENITY (PEACE) to ACCEPT the THINGS I CAN NOT CHANGE (THE FACTS)...." Whether you're spiritual, religious, or neither, this saying holds true. Peace is available when we live in full acceptance of the facts of our life in this moment.
And, dare we not forget ourselves; the same rules apply when you forgive yourself. Yes, sometimes we even need to forgive ourselves and move on. In fact, this might be the most powerful form of forgiveness we have.
Who do you need to forgive, or perhaps what do you need to accept that you are not accepting, this holiday season in order for YOU to be PEACEFUL?
I wish you much PEACE this holiday season and in the New Year to come!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!
If you're looking for a mood change or want to learn more about moods and emotions, or DESIGNING YOUR LIFE, give me a call and let's talk.
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