Ask and Ye Shall Receive… Sometimes
In working with my personal coaching clients, as well as organizational clients and teams, they often report being upset and frustrated with others because they didn’t do what they asked them to (the “other” may be a spouse, a child, a friend, a colleague, a boss, an employee, etc.). They want to place the blame on the “other”, and this is always a cue for me to dig deeper and explore my client’s role in the problem.
When we do dig deeper, what is often uncovered is that my client is actually not making an EFFECTIVE REQUEST and is actually responsible for the problem. It’s quite an eye-opener, I assure you. You see, if you can do the thing yourself, it’s not a problem - you don’t have to ask anyone for anything. However, this is often not the case in life. In today’s world, today’s families and today’s organizations, we must ask for help because there is no way we can do it all by ourselves! Plus, it’s NO FUN doing life by ourselves.
In short, if you have to get things done through others (leaders and managers, parents, team members) or need help, which most of us do, there is no way around asking, or making a request. The question then becomes “How effective are your requests?”
So, I offer here the short list of the ELEMENTS OF AN EFFECTIVE REQUEST for you to notice how effective you are at making requests in all areas of your life:
- Committed Speaker – do you really want what you are asking for or are you wishy-washy about it? Trust me, others can tell if you're committed or not.
- Committed Listener – is the other person really listening, or are they doing 3 things and trying to listen to you at the same time? A committed listener means you have their FULL ATTENTION – this is often the culprit.
- Future Action – do you spell out clearly, step-by-step, what you want the person to do or are you vague? There is a big difference between “Will you help me?” and “Will you unload the dishwasher and put everything in the proper cabinet while I fold the clothes?”
- Time Frame – do you state exactly when you want it, or do you say things like “soon”, “when you can get around to it” or the deadly “as soon as possible”? ASAP may not be the same for me as it is for you.
- Mood – the way you say it matters, and this is often dictated by your mood when you make the request.
So, how are you doing with your requests? Ultimately I think we’re looking for a YES when we make a request, so use these guidelines and I can almost promise you’ll get more yeses to your requests. And, if you get a NO, it’s not because you weren’t clear, and that means you can then go ask someone else.
The final point I want to make here is your UNSPOKEN EXPECTATIONS are not effective requests. Others can not read your mind, and it is unfair of you to expect them to! If you want something, you must clearly ask for it.
Upcoming Business Workshop on Tuesday, May 3 at The Nashville Zoo!
Look for an announcement tomorrow on my upcoming, one-day "Creating Impeccable Performance" workshop. This workshop will teach participants how to: work smoothly with others, meet deadlines, manage commitments, listen in a way they never have, and build a high level of trust in their working relationships.
Upcoming Personal Workshop
Look for an announcement in the next 2-3 weeks on a personal workshop I'm creating called "Designing Your Life". In this workshop you will learn the tools that will allow you to start designing your life rather than being at the mercy of day-to-day events and "the drift of life".
Please don't hesitate to call or e-mail me if you want to learn more about personal coaching or my upcoming workshops.
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